PERSONAL + LIFESTYLE: Grow the Glow
My Safe Space..
I wrote an Instagram post about this (here), so I'm going to try to keep it short. When I moved into my apartment in May 2016 I promised myself that my room would always be a place where I could be free, because my last apartment was not. I wanted to be able to say whatever, wear whatever, think about whatever, and be whatever I felt at the moment. So I bought eight nice pillows + a rug from TJ Maxx, a tapestry with a huge tree on it from Amazon, and boom there was my safe space. It's not so much what the space looks like, but more of what I did there. Whenever I sat on my rug I thought about things I would never repeat to anyone: what scares me, what I'm insecure about, what I'm unsure of, my ideas of love, beauty, success, friendship and so much more. On my rug I was able to be honest with myself about how I felt about things, write them down in my journal, and come up with a solution, if there needed to be one. Which leads me to a vital part of my safe space, journaling.
A lot of people don't see the benefits of journaling because it's just writing your thoughts down, essentially. But for me it's like having a conversation with my best friend. I tell her what I'm going through, then she gives me options of solutions, or words of affirmation. In my journal I write down what's happening in my head, how I feel about what's happening, what I wish were happening instead, and then create the steps to get there. Not going to lie, journaling takes dedication. You have to create time to write a full entry so that you are getting the most out of it + time to go back and read other entries so you can see how much you've progressed. I do not journal every day because I honestly don't have time, but I do it frequently enough to see change. I live for those moments where I'm writing an entry and an "I FOUND THE ANSWER" moments happens. It motivates me to keep journaling, being honest with myself, and transforming into my best self.
affirmations.
In my safe space I also tell myself that I'm lit. As a young, black, woman entrepreneur life is tough. Being constantly faced with doubt, negativity, and uncertainty can weigh on your soul. Every morning I affirm myself with quotes + scriptures that all pretty much say the same thing: I am smart, I am creative, I am deserving, I am purposed etc. It was brought to my attention that I don't have any affirmations about my physical appearance, so I am going to write some new ones specifically for that because I do find myself struggling with my appearance some days. It's probably because that's the one thing I don't affirm! Just kidding.. kind of.
shut up.
I also sit in my space to meditate. Being stimulated by conversation, work, or social media all day can be draining. Once a day I sit on my rug, put on a twenty minute timer and just let my thoughts flow. Sometimes I meditate or sometimes I just let the Lord speak to me. This has probably my favorite safe space activity. If you know me then you know a thousand thoughts are running through my head at all times. Taking a few moments to get clarity on my thoughts, develop ideas, and hear from God has saved my sanity.
Journey to Minimalism..
So this idea was sparked by one of my favorite authors + encouragers, Alex Elle. She posted a picture on Instagram at the start of the year explaining how she wanted to cherish everything around her, which means she needed to have less stuff. Or at least that's what I got from that caption. See it here. I felt this on spiritual level. I have A LOT of stuff, like a lot. I used to be so annoyed every time I walked in my room because essentially it was clean, there was just stuff everywhere. Same with my closet, which is currently a work in progress. I have accumulated so many clothes, shoes, hair products, books, papers, obligations, ways of thinking over the past four years that it has begun to overwhelm me. In February of this year I started to declutter my life in more ways than one and I am already seeing results. Living minimally isn't just about not having a lot of stuff. For me, it's about having the maximum appreciate for what I do have, limiting any source of negativity, and saving my abundance to help others.
clothes.
I have way too many clothes. Plain and simple. One day I was just fed up with looking at my closet so I went through every hanging article and decided if I want to keep it or not. If I didn't remember the last time I wore it or couldn't see myself wearing it again, I gave it away. If I didn't like the way it fit, I gave it away. Why keep something that makes me feel/look uncomfortable? I still have to go through all the of the clothes that are in storage boxes but I'm assuming I don't need them because I haven't thought about them in months. Having less clothes has saved me time getting dressed in the morning. I don't have to look through a bunch of stuff that I never wear to find my favorite shirt. And every time I wear my favorite shirt, I feel like my best self.
With downsizing my wardrobe I have also created a color palette so that now every time I shop I am only buying things that match items I already have. Thank you Rachel Aust. Since I already have a hard time putting outfits together, my palette is kind of simple: black, white, grey, navy blue, olive, and mauve. Those are the colors that looks best on me and that I feel most comfortable in. Since my outfits are becoming simpler, I am letting myself explore shoe colors and styles. I am very excited about this.
obligations.
I started saying no to a lot of things. I've always had the mindset of "I don't owe people my time" simply because I just don't. But that logic caused me to still over-obligate myself at times. Now I think of it more as "The more time I spend with people doing nothing the less time I have to build myself + my brand". Sometimes we pile obligations on ourselves so we can feel like we are doing something when really the most important work is done when we are alone, perfecting our craft or dealing with ourselves. Don't get me wrong, preserve your friendships. But do you really have to go to every party, cookout, mall outing, movie premier, etc. Save some time to take care of yourself and listen to your thoughts. Take a break from driving all around the city just to please people and come home still feeling empty. Make an obligation to yourself to be the best version of you, possible.
energies.
Not everyone is going to have the same energy as you and that is perfectly fine. But always be cautious of how these energies mesh with yours. Some people will [intentionally or unintentionally] drain you, overwhelm you, and just plain make you uncomfortable. If you value these people, it is important to spend time with them, but make sure the time spent is not pulling you away from your center.
distractions.
Everyone has their own kryptonite, mine is social media. I used it to distract me from people, work, even my own thoughts. I felt like there was always pressure in my head. I was always being stimulated by something that wasn't authentic to me. I was always scrolling to see who was doing what or how many likes my picture got in two minutes. This caused me to doubt so many things about myself: my relationships, my career, & my beauty. I started to get on my own nerves. So I turned off my Twitter and Instagram notifications to see if that would make a difference in the way that I use these two apps. It actually did! I am no longer being notified about who liked my picture from last week (thanks to the new algorithm), or who retweeted a tweet that I would probably also retweet. Without those random notifications I'm no longer opening the apps 5-10 times in one hour and scrolling aimlessly. I open the apps when I have something important to post, then I close them. Thanks to my safe space I've also changed what I deem "important" to share but I'll save that for another post. This might seem minor to some, but social media was a big distraction for me. As a writer + encourager I have to guard my heart against anything that can negatively sway my creativity & light. I encourage you to find whatever your kryptonite is and try to part ways with it, for the greater good.
Soul Food..
I only watch listen to, and read things that make me happy or inspire creativity. So far this year I have read Girl Boss by Sophia Amouruso. I've been watching YouTube videos by Jade Kendle, Ashley D Beauty, Vicky Logan and Rachel Aust. I've been mainly listening to my gospel playlist (I can share that in another post if y'all would like). And lastly been listening to + using the practices of The Minimalists. Whatever we put into our spirits will eventually come out of us, so it is important that we only feed ourselves the things that we would be willing to share with others.
I am not BY ANY MEANS saying that I have perfected all the practices listed about. As usual, I am not guaranteeing these practices will work for you because I can only share what works for me. Everyone will use their safe space differently and everyone has a different kryptonite. But what I can promise is that there is something greater and more profound that can change the world inside of all of us! All we have to do is take the time to get to know ourselves and from that we discover the ways we can help others.
Thank you to everyone who has noticed the kid glowing, I love you guys more than you know and your words mean everything to me. If y'all have any questions or want to share your secrets for your inner glow, please tweet me @bellarozzay or email me!
Until next time, I love you all.. stay beautiful,
Rozzay
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